Fear

Ok, I’m not going to lie. I’ve had a hard few weeks. I know what things I'm struggling with, but I couldn't figure out why I was struggling with them. (By the way, I'm still struggling with them.)

Then the other day I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about last week’s post. She liked the concept of meeting people where they’re at. But, she said she has the hardest time meeting her children where they’re at.

As we uncovered the reason, she said that she fears that her children are going to end up suffering the way she has suffered in her life.

I could definitely relate. For instance, I was bullied as a child. That experience has led me to fear putting my children into situations in which they could be bullied. I don't want them to experience that pain.

Doesn't that make me a good parent? I've always thought, "Yes! Only a bad parent would allow his or her children to experience hardship!" But I've realized that's not necessarily the case. While it is critical to protect my children from things like hunger, child abuse, and other horrific forms of mistreatment, it isn't healthy to shield them from all hardship. Learning to face hardship builds resiliency.

It really comes back to fear. I want to control their actions so I don't feel like I've failed them. Yes, I fear being a failure to my children.

I had a conversation with another friend. She told me does the same routine every day. She prefers to go to the same restaurants to eat. She prefers to go on vacation to the same places. She called herself "a creature of habit." She also said she was grateful for her husband because he tries to break her out of her routine.

Maybe we fear stepping out of our routine because it's uncomfortable. We fear change. The results are unknown. There is a possibility of failure or something going wrong.

As we got further into the conversation, she revealed that her parents were the same way. They had pretty rigid daily routines. They went to the same restaurants to eat. They went on vacation to the same places every year. So she is the same way.

Maybe we fear disappointing our parents. We think our parents have expectations, and we fear not meeting those expectations.

Whatever our fears, they can be consuming. They can cripple our actions. They can cause physical stress on our bodies. They can keep us awake at night. They can block our personal progress. They can make us feel alone.

What can we do to prevent fear from becoming all-consuming?

First is faith. Faith in God and in His eternal truths can keep our fears at bay. Let me give an example of how this might work.

The school shooting this week was awful. A nightmare come true. My heart goes out to the families of those affected. Do I fear my children getting caught in something like that? Absolutely! And if I let my fear control my actions, I would lock my children away in the house and never let them go into public. But that would prevent them from experiencing all the good of life as well. So what helps me not lock them away from the world?

For those who have no knowledge or belief about God's plan or life after death, death might seem absolute. Final. The end. That is incredibly sad. No wonder fear of death can become all-consuming.

On the other hand, something that helps me is my knowledge of God's plan for us, His children. Birth wasn't our beginning, and death isn't our end. God has power to bind families together even after death. Because of this knowledge, I know that even if something horrible happens to me or to my children, I will see them again. This knowledge helps me pull fear off the stage of my brain and keep going.

Something else that helps keep fear at bay is to find support from others. Isolated individuals can become more consumed by fear. Opening up and sharing with the right people can help alleviate the burdens caused by fear.

Something else that helps me is to find goodness in everyday life. Seek it out. Sit and wait for a beautiful sunset. Listen for the laughter of children. Cuddle with a baby. Inhale the wonderful scent of fresh rainfall. Enjoy the deliciousness of warm, freshly baked, homemade bread. Ask for a hug from a loved one. Focusing on the goodness of life kicks fear off of the stage of our brain.

Fear exists. It may not leave. It may hang around for a long time.

In order to fight through the fear we experience, we have to get uncomfortable. Our kids will have to endure hardships. We have to face disappointment in ourselves and disappointment in others or from others. This is all part of God's plan from the beginning.

I'm not perfect at any of this. My days are like a roller coaster. Some days I'm at a high point and I'm able to keep fears out of mind. I'm able to focus on things that are helpful. Other days I'm at a low point and the fears keep me down. I can't seem to think about anything other than my fears.

This is normal. We are not the same all day every day. The trick is to learn to get through those low moments until we find our way back to the high moments.

So what are your biggest fears? Do you have certain fears that trigger low moments? What do you do to get through the moments when fear seems all-consuming? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Leave your comments down below.

Joy is possible.

Love ❤️, Jen