Emotions: Part 5
I just got back from spending a week with my family. We had a great time together kayaking, paddle boarding, swimming, playing in the river, hiking, playing games, and just having fun together. It's so important to make memories with family!
Now I am back and ready to dive into this last part in my series about emotions. I know that there is so much more about emotions that I could write about. I am sure at some point I will.
In Part 1 I wrote about how emotional reactions can lead to undesired outcomes. In Part 2 I discussed the importance of bridling, or controlling, our emotional reactions. In Part 3 I wrote about taking ownership of our emotions and learning to recognize primary emotions. Part 4 was all about helping children learn to manage their emotions and control their emotional outbursts.
In many of the situations I discussed, my emotions were kindled after someone did something (or didn't do something) that I felt had an adverse effect on me. Often times after managing my emotional reactions, I realize that the person who acted (or didn't act) didn't really do anything wrong. It was all about my perception based on my own desires. Self-awareness is critical in these moments.
But what about times when the acts of another person really do cause harm? Sometimes harm is intentional. Other times the harm is unintentional. But when the harm leads me to anger, am I justified in acting on that anger?
A child learns at an early age to hit back when someone hurts him. If that child never learns to control his emotional reactions, he may grow up to do the same thing: respond with violence when someone hurts him emotionally or physically. That is a reality nowadays. How often in the news do we read about people acting on their intense emotions?
One of the most difficult acts to master when someone hurts us is to forgive them. I'm not talking about saying, "Forget about it," and then holding a grudge against that person forever. True forgiveness means letting it go forever, never bringing it back up.
Maybe a sibling or friend said something hurtful in an angry moment or took something of yours. Maybe someone lied or broke a promise. Regardless of the act, regardless of the impact, when someone harms you forgiveness can be a challenge.
Holding on to the anger can only cause you greater harm. It will keep you from realizing the potential for greater joy and happiness in your life.
The following video explains the process one man went through to forgive someone who caused him inexplicable harm.
This man could have remained angry and bitter. That anger and bitterness would have stifled his growth and prevented him from experiencing immeasurable joy.
Instead he trusted in God. He chose to forgive. It doesn't mean that the man doesn't still feel pain from what happened. But forgiving and moving on has allowed him to find joy again. This is all possible because of a great sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for all of us.
I have not lost a spouse and children in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. I don't know exactly what that man felt. But I have experienced the painful effects of other people's actions in my life. Regardless of the act, regardless of the impact, the pain is real. And so is the anger.
Prior to losing baby #3 (read my first post), the doctors I visited assured me that all would be fine. They said things like, "99% of mothers who have this issue during pregnancy have no complications from it. And of that 1% that experience complications, only 2% of those lose the baby." They brushed away my worries time and time again. They said it was fine to travel. They said I didn't need to be on bed rest. Not once did I feel like they were concerned. Sure enough, I lost baby #3 because of the issue. I almost died too.
I was angry at the doctors for a long time. They should have taken my concerns more seriously. They should have paid closer attention to the location of the hemorrhage. They should have recommended bed rest. I should have yelled at them. I should have left a bad online review. I should have told my husband (the attorney) to file a lawsuit for malpractice. Etc, etc, etc...
Would I have found peace and joy giving in to any of the emotional reactions listed above? Nope. It took me years to realize that. The only path to peace and joy was through Jesus Christ and His power to help me forgive. I still hurt, but I have peace.
People will hurt you. Sometimes they won't even realize it. By giving people the benefit of the doubt, by recognizing that they are as imperfect as we are, and by turning to the only perfect earthly mortal for help to forgive, we can find peace and joy again.
Forgiveness frees us from emotional bonds. It casts out darkness we may feel and replaces it with love, light, and peace. Forgiveness helps us build stronger, loving relationships with others. It helps us learn to love and accept ourselves. Forgiveness is healing.
Do you find it difficult to forgive? Do you enjoy holding grudges? What have you done to help you more freely forgive those who have hurt you? Have you experienced pain from someone that you feel is beyond forgiveness? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Joy is possible.
Love ❤️, Jen
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