Buna

Have you ever experienced something so impactful that it's practically impossible to forget? You know, one of those "I have to write this down" sort of experiences?

I had one such experience in May of 2018. I attended a Women's Conference and heard a story that I haven't been able to forget. It taught me to be bold and open up, and it taught me the importance of community.

Dr. Jennifer Brinkerhoff Platt was one of the speakers at the conference (see here for her written talk). She shared an experience she had during her doctoral studies. She spent some time in Ethiopia experimenting with an unusual methodology.

She distributed cameras to local Ethiopians and asked them to show her what it looked like to live their lives by taking photographs from the moment they woke up until they went to bed at night. She wanted to observe patterns in their lives.

While studying the photographs, she noticed something unusual, one common event from all the women: an Ethiopian coffee ceremony called Buna.

The Buna was held at least daily. One woman would host and prepare the coffee. The others would gather with their children, with their sewing or other handwork, or just to take a break from work. All were welcome. And when the coffee was ready, they would drink and talk. When the coffee was gone, they would go back to work until the next Buna.

What would they talk about? One woman said that, since they didn't have therapists, they would share their problems with each other and those listening would offer solutions. This is how they supported each other.

When asked why they did it, they would say something like, "Well, this is just something that we do. Our mothers did it. Our daughters will do it. Buna is part of our lives."

Although Dr. Brinkerhoff Platt's story had a specific focus, I took something very different from her story. These women participated in regular (maybe even daily) therapy sessions. Sessions were open to all, free without invitation.

For me it would take a lot of courage to open up so casually like that. But maybe if I grew up in a culture like that, it would feel comfortable and normal to share so casually.

How different would our communities be if we participated in something like this? Would we have less anxiety, less fear, and fewer serious mental health issues? Would we be less judgmental of each other? Of ourselves? Would we feel less alone in our journeys?

I believe it would make a difference. I believe participation in something like this would help establish stronger and healthier emotional relationships with each other. I don't think it would remove our burdens, but feeling support and love from personal cheerleaders on the sidelines can make a world of difference.

We live in a really fast-paced world. I have been trying to slow down and take more opportunities during my week to find emotional connections with those around me.

We are not superheroes: we are humans and all struggle with something. And we don't need more anxiety, comparison, and judgment. Let's find peace, joy, acceptance, and confidence in ourselves each day together. Life won't be perfect, but learning to face our anxiety, depression, etc... together will lighten the loads and build our communities.

Here's my challenge (and it's for me too! I struggle with judging myself and others, with comparing my life to others, and with the inability to make decisions because of fear): find your Buna. It may not be a daily group coffee ritual. Maybe it's a weekly bookclub. Maybe it's a weekly or monthly in-person lunch with friends or family. Maybe it's an actual group therapy session that occurs weekly. Whatever it is, find your Buna, open up, and seek help.

Joy is possible.

Love ❤️, Jen

Comments