Balance

With so much going on in my life, I often struggle feeling balanced. Starting in the mornings, I have to:

• Do personal gospel study
• Say my prayer
• Wake up my son
• Make my son breakfast
• Wake the girls up for family prayer
• Get my son to school
• Make breakfast for the girls
• Exercise
• Get the girls started on homeschool
• Take care of a very needy toddler
• Help the girls with their school assignments (with the toddler on my lap or clinging to my legs)
• Get laundry started
• Make sure my girls practice the piano
• Communicate with people with whom I have activities planned for the day
• Make lunch for the girls
• Read books to the toddler
• Make sure my husband takes a break from work to eat lunch
• Put the toddler down for a nap
• Eat my lunch
• Make a list of meals for the week and a corresponding grocery list
• Make sure my girls finish their school assignments
• Change out laundry
• Approve technology time for the girls
• Pick up my son from school (some days)
• Make sure my son practices the piano
• Make sure I have food prepped for dinner
• Get the children to soccer or baseball or theater or dance or church activities
• etc, etc, etc...

Maybe I don't have to do all those things every day, but I do have those things (and much more!) on my mind nearly every day. Do you see the problem? The list of things to do never ends! How can anyone achieve balance?

I listened a recording of a meeting in which that question was asked. The main speaker was David A. Bednar. This is how he responded: "You can't [be in perfect balance], so don't worry about it...Balance is a false notion. You can only do one thing at a time."

He then went on to compare our lives to an acrobat spinning plates on the end of sticks. He explained that the acrobat can't spin all the plates at the same time and at the same speed. The acrobat has to focus his attention on the plates that are closest to falling off, and then once they are back up to speed focus on the next ones that are closest to falling off. Our lives are similar: we must focus on the most important tasks and prioritize our energy on getting them done. (Read a summary of the recording in an article here.)

The idea of finding balance is a huge issue for most people today. Life coaches, best-selling authors, and tech companies make billions of dollars each year with the best advice, the best plan, or the best organizing app to help you balance everything in your life. So does this idea of forgetting about balance really make sense?

Sort of. It doesn't mean don't try to organize my time appropriately to get things done. It just means to not do so many things at the same time. I can only truly focus on one thing at a time. This means I have to learn to set priorities throughout the day and be flexible enough to adjust those priorities if something else comes up.

This concept is still new to me; I am definitely no professional. But I do believe learning to focus on one thing at a time helps me find more peace in my day and helps me extend compassion toward myself when I feel overwhelmed.

This doesn't mean to ignore your struggles, sorrows, and lengthy checklists with distractions; it just means to take one of the things on your list and make an intentional choice to do that thing in the moment. When you finish it (or when you give whatever time you think is appropriate to do it in that moment), make another intentional choice to do something else on the list.

Here's an extreme example from my life that helped me understand the importance of focusing on priorities. All my children were delivered naturally. (By the way, this is not a promotion for natural childbirth; every woman is different; make your own intentional choice!) Childbirth was so physically painful and exhausting for me. One thing I learned was that my brain could really only focus on one thing at a time during the process. Choosing to appropriately focus my attention was the key to help me manage the pain and exhaustion. When properly focused, I didn't feel as much pain; I felt I still had energy to give; I felt empowered. If I allowed something else to steal my focus in the middle of a contraction, it made everything harder. I felt all the pain; I felt all the exhaustion; I felt incapable. Focusing on one helpful thing made all the difference for me.

Ok, so I should learn to focus on one thing at a time in my life. Great. So what about all the things I feel like I should be doing but don't ever get to? How can I be ok not getting those things done? This quote helps me remember that not everything has the same level of importance:

This quote has helped me learned to prioritize the most important tasks, make sure those get done, and if I have time left over I can tackle the tasks that are still good but not as high on the priority list. This helps me have compassion for myself.

While I have all the other things from the list above and more on my daily checklist, here are a few specific things that I do regularly, intentionally, one at a time that are of higher priority in my life:

Gospel study. My first priority every day is my relationship with God. I honestly would be lost without it. It gives me strength to keep going. It helps me be humble and remember that I am not alone and I have someone by my side.

Exercise. A run outside and a Fitness+ workout increase the serotonin levels in my body. If I go too many days without exercising, I feel sluggish, down, and irritable. When I exercise, I clear my head and receive mental strength to wade through the bog.

Meditation. Meditation allows me to slow my body and mind down. It helps me focus on my breathing and relax. It helps me feel where the tension is in my body so I manage it appropriately.

Do something for me. I try to read a book, make a craft or do another hobby. This is probably the hardest thing for me to do. My mind always wants to think about the million other things on my checklist. I think, "Why should do something for myself when I have so many other things to do for other people?" But when I really focus, this helps me learn who I am and what I desire. I just have to set time limits!

Serve someone. Serving others helps me feel energized. I love to be there for others without a feeling of obligation. People need to feel loved and important. It also helps me put my own struggles into perspective. But I have to limit how much time I spend so I don’t expend all my energy. "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength." Mosiah 4:27.

Let someone serve you. This is also hard for me to do. It's hard to be humble enough to let others do things for me, especially when I feel like I am burdening someone else with something I am perfectly capable of doing for myself. But the smallest act by someone else for me can lift my spirit, make me feel loved, and help me realize I'm not alone.

While I'm not perfect at it, intentionally focusing on one thing at a time slows my brain down and helps me feel more present and more at peace, even in the midst of the chaos.

What are your thoughts about balance? Do you ever feel like you achieve balance? What techniques or strategies do you utilize to focus on one thing at a time? Are you one of those people that actually can do a bunch of things at the same time and still feel at peace? I'd love to hear how that works in your life!

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to share them publicly or privately with the links below.

Joy is possible.

Love ❤️, Jen